Author Topic: Shit Randians Say  (Read 2029 times)


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Shit Randians Say
« on: July 02, 2017, 04:10:05 PM »
Here's a fun game for all of us who've had to work with, trade with, or breathe the same air as these motherfuckers. Post the most bugfuck insane thing you've ever heard a Randian say, like "taxation is theft of the soul" or whatever. Can also double as a "fuck Randians" anecdote and venting thread.

I'll start off. I ran into a guy sitting by a fire outside Salt Lake City just as it was getting cold and dark, and asked him if I could share the heat. He tried to charge me 5 Bounty per hour for the privilege of sitting next to a goddamn fire, and when I offered to collect some sticks for fuel as alternative payment he flipped out and said those were his sticks and that would be theft. I asked him how far I'd have to walk to find sticks that weren't his, and this wacko piece of birdshit just said "till you need a boat". I gave up since he was getting twitchy at that point and his dinky fire wasn't worth getting shot over, so I found a parking garage and set up in a rusty old van on the roof for the night.

Joke was on him, because up there I could see the herd coming from blocks away. Hope you enjoyed the fire, asshole.
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Re: Shit Randians Say
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2017, 06:56:50 PM »
At least you didn't get chickened.

Me and my crew were taking out a big mob of C's blocking our path while running from a stampede (hazard of big city Taking) when five men just wandered out of a building further ahead, during the middle of the fight, and just stood there watching while we emptied our guns and crushed skulls. Didn't lift a finger to help. When we were done, they set their guns on us and one guy swaggered over and pointed at the C's we'd just downed.

"The Bounty on those belong to us and you are fined 20 Bounty for passing through our sovereign territory of [city name]. If you can't pay, we'll take all your gear."

This at the edge of town, with about umpteen hundred C's bearing down on us, and them knowing we're short on practically everything.

I haggled them down by pointing out that they wouldn't have time to loot our bodies if they shot us or let the C's eat us, and even then we had to throw them ten bounty to get them budging. I said they were fucking welcome to strip the C's if they wanted, and as far as I know that's exactly what they did. We've never seen those assholes before or since and I hope to God their greed got the better of them, but when we left we didn't hear gunshots or cries, so that's probably too much to ask. Probably they just took their 'fine', scavenged until the last possible second and scarpered out in our wake.

IMO Randians are just raiders by a different name, one that they think entitles them not to be shot on sight. The closest enclave to ours, Trickledown, is thick with these fuckers, and probably where the Rands we met came from. They're not in charge, but what passes for the local authorities are happy to tolerate people becoming 'indentured' to a Rand, mostly because they're kind of using that system themselves. The place is way overcrowded with refugees being kept in line that way and it wouldn't do to get indignant that someone's doing them one better. It might get people riled and thinking they got rights and who's going to tend the fields then?

Sometimes I feel Achieve dodged a bullet by being mostly stuck in a place that only has to deal with a million C's on the regular. At least the asshole quotient is kept way down.
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Re: Shit Randians Say
« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2017, 08:18:43 PM »
"You are going to pay for that bullet."

Though it ain't like what you think.

So I am out on a delivery. Some job broker had a semi-priority job, and it was too big for one of those Detox superheroes to lug around...but not big enough that the asshole paying for the job would spring for the car. So it goes out to freelancers, and this SCA gal I know, she brings me and some others in on it. We decide that hooking up with a outgoing caravan is worth the hassle, so we pay the due and promise to do some light guard duty, and just so you happen to know, caravan's got like two or three Randian families selling 3d printed shit and prepper skills. Knife sharpening and gun parts and rope and firebombs. Shit like that.

Don't know what is up with that given that the rest of the caravan seemed regular, most of the folks in charge thought they'd try and stage a takeover in a couple more months, but they say they'd handle it. So cool. If everyone's cool, I am cool, and they're cool. Or at least they thought it wasn't profitable to go spouting bullshit if it ain't prompted. So it's going to take us about a week to get the package there, and I am luckily not the one carrying it, but I need to stick around because I got the armored vest and the guns.

In any case, enough scene setting. So five days in, we're hit by...something? I don't know, raiders or Meek, but some bug fuck nuts, witness me assholes just straight up ram a bus into the side of the caravan. It's bullshit, and there's suddenly C's everywhere, and maybe some Vectors, and definitely a lot of fire, but I don't know because I am side ways under a wagon and just shooting at anything that doesn't look familiar. I figure it is time to bug out, I get on the Tac-Net and I'm heading off, and as I round the edge, I see this guy, can't be more than 16, getting pulled through a crack in the wagon circle by some frankly fuck nuts Viking looking motherfucker. He's screaming for his moma, and god, and all sorts of things.

So I decide fuck it, might as well be a hero, so grab onto this kid's belt and pull. Viking mofo isn't talking language, and I am grappling this kid, and the kid got this Ruger .22 in his pants. So I pull that and just pop the Viking in the face. Don't know if it killed him, but the guy let go and I just grab the kid and run. We're a couple miles away from the shit, gunfire still going off, and I just dump the two of us behind a dumpster and take stock. My heart's pounding, hands shaking, and this kid. He looks up at me, and he says. "You are going to pay for that bullet." I shit you not, I save his life, and get him out of the shit, and this little crazy ass pissant kid says to me I am going to pay for the bullet that saved his life.

Like, another man would have probably shot him, given that I had his gun, my guns, all my stuff, and all he had was the clothing on his back...but no, I am too nice. He's Randing at me, and I am getting my heart slow, and I am checking my world, but then I just turn to him and I say. "I want the whole gun. Two bounty for the gun, it's been used." Kid says no, and tries to draw stuff about market price and other shit, he wants six bounty for the thing. Now all this Randing has drawn some Cs, and I still have his gun in my hand, so I say sure. I buy the whole thing, right there, and the Cs are shambling around. He looks so pleased with his six bounty...but then he notices the Cs, and he ain't got nothing but his clothes on his back, and I got four guns at that point.

I tell him, "Four bounty to get you to safety, two for me to kill those Cs."

I will leave it up to your imaginations what happened after that, but hey, you got to give them credit for deciding to live authentically to their ethos and pathos. :P

Though for those of you curious, yes the package got delivered.
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. -Mark Twain

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Re: Shit Randians Say
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2017, 04:44:32 PM »
Ok so at first it seemed like typical Randian gouging. A small crew of them ran one of the few drinking establishments in the enclave. Place was a shit hole and the drinks were 95% water (and they sure as hell tried to figure out how to lose that last five and get away with it. Hell one of them charged to use the bathrooms. About 3 bounty a flush.

Well one of my friends guarding the water supply found one of them sneaking in there. Turns out the bastards were trying to cause a case of cholera to hit the enclave to drive up their business. All he said was, "The bacteria wasn't carrying its share of the market burden yet", and that, "If you think about it YOU should be paying ME for making your job relevant".

Yeah, my crew was hired to drag him to the radiation boarder and leave him there. The rest of the Randians have been awfully quiet as of late.


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Re: Shit Randians Say
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2017, 09:41:36 AM »
The problem with Randians is that their shit is counter productive. It is seriously sub-optimal.


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Re: Shit Randians Say
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2018, 10:31:39 AM »
'The early Taker gets the worm, but the second Randian gets the cheese.'


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Re: Shit Randians Say
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2018, 10:43:40 AM »
For more Randian bashing please see Casualty jokes thread.

Only 2 Bounty to register if you're a Randian. Barter accepted. First born. Or limb loss. Etc.

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« Last Edit: July 03, 2018, 10:46:20 AM by Varlaaax »